Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
