Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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