4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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