Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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