Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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