In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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