Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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