I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
