I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
