Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
