I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
