I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
