Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
