she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you will always have a special place in my vag
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
