look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
