ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
