I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
