in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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