It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i've created a new STD.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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