her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
