Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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