He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
