you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
