yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
