Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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