are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
