I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
