we made out on top of his cat.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
