So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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