I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I have demons in me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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