Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
