Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
