I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I did not marry a roomba.
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