i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
