I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
