when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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