That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
