ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
