Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
