i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
