You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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