now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
