My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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