Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
