Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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