How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
