On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
