so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
