just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
