Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
